I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
