I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
