So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
