Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
