It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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