just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
