so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
