I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
