he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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