she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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