no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
