Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
