he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
