I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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