she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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