I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
