Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm always down for nudity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize