you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
