Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
