it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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