Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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