We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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