she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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