his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
