Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
