i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
