He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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