is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
