So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
