he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
