did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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