What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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