I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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