I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
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I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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