her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
