the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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