I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
