I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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