i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
