It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize