The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
