I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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