words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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