I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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