I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't turn off my feet"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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