I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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