We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
