So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
