I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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