She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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