i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
