Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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