i don't like sucking hair
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
