Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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