why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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