What did we do last night that was yellow?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
