Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
