If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
