i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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