You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
