Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
