Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
