let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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