I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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