Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
