Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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