Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sext me about skeletons
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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